We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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