You can't motorboat a personality
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
