He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
