My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We are two peas in an std pod
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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