How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
