just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
