If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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