Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
