yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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