And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
