But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
