8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
