Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
