i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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