you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
