i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
