Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
