It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
