It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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