Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
