I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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