i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
