sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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