somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
