I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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