how can u be prego again
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
