I CAN MOONWALK!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
