dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
