So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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