One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
