those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
