We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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