I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
