Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
