I can't watch pbs sober anymore
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize