Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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