My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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