Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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