Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
