I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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