And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
