He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
