Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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