If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
