I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
