TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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