i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
