smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize