I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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