Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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