I have demons in me.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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