if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
