I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
