I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
