I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
