now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
