Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
