Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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