Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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