Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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