FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
