i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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