I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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