I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
