I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
