Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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