I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
