Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
