I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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