didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
