Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
