Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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