I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize