okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
