Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
