just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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