I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize