there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
